Thursday, July 20, 2017

How Manipulators Use The Burden Of Gratitude

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By Elizabeth Wallace

It can be all too easy for well-meaning individuals to be manipulated into relationships that they did not want or simply did not intend. When a person seems to go out of their way to help another, sometimes their intentions are not exactly generous. They may simply be wanting to draw that person into an entanglement by manipulating them with the burden of gratitude.

Even the simple act of going on dates can bring an unwitting individual into such a scenario. Customarily, the man has always paid for the dates, leaving the female a sense of indebtedness to him. Many unscrupulous men will use this fact to manipulate a woman into sex, claiming that she owes him for the money he has spent on her.

Going Dutch is an excellent way to avoid this sort of manipulation. In fact, women are warned to be wary of men who refuse to allow them to pay for their own meals. If a girl cannot afford to pay for her own dinner, it might be best to simply not accept dates until she is more financially solvent in order to avoid this type of manipulation.

Religious institutions are notorious for using indebtedness for help as a way to get new members. It is perfectly legal for them to require attendance at services as payment for help given to homeless people. In a perfect world, one would be able to get food, clothing, and shelter without being required to embrace a particular religious doctrine, but that is not how most churches approach it.

It is typical even for parents to use indebted obligations to control the behavior of their adult children. The fact is, once a person is over the age of eighteen, parents are not legally able to enforce curfews or other restrictions on them. However, in order to control who they date and what they do, some parents will withhold housing or financial assistance to their children if they fail to behave in whatever way they are trying to force.

Many people who offer help to others do so with negative motives. The people who are most ready to help us are not always those who want to see us succeed. Some people will even offer help just to get an inside peek into our lives so they can spread negative gossip.

As well-meaning people, we must evaluate our own intentions when we offer to assist others in some way. Sometimes our own reasons for helping someone has motives that we have not evaluated fully, and we might be acting in a manner that is not entirely giving. It is up to each of us to ensure that, when we offer help to a friend, we are not offering such help for the sole purpose of benefiting ourselves.

Everyone needs assistance at different points in their lives, so we are all vulnerable to being manipulated at that time. In our greatest times of need, sometimes it is better to seek the assistance of strangers. Co-workers, friends, family, and especially exes may not really be helping us in a way that sees to our own best interests.

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